A suicidal person wants to stop their suffering, not die. In fact, a suicidal person is ambivalent about their desire to live and their inability to continue suffering.

Most people give signs of their suicidal intention. Signs may be verbal or non-verbal. Unfortunately, these signs are not always obvious even though they often indicate a state of crisis and are a way of asking for help.

When we think about bravery or cowardice, we’re thinking in terms of choices and we’re projecting our own concept of suicide on others. Nobody dies by suicide by choice; instead, it’s a lack of choice. A suicidal person doesn’t see bravery or cowardice. Their life is unbearable, they have reached their tolerance limit for suffering, and they don’t see any other way of making the suffering stop.

Without getting into the debate about biopsychosocial causes of suicide, it is important to point out that the credibility given to loved ones’ behaviours may lead to imitation. In other words, a suicide or suicide attempt within a family may be perceived by the other members as a possible way of resolving their problems.

Suicide is an uncomfortable topic, one that’s hard to talk about. And yet, it’s by talking about suicide that we can demystify the topic and manage to help a suicidal person. Asking somebody directly if they are thinking about suicide is not suggesting it to them; it’s opening the door for them to express their suffering. Talk about suicide, yes, but not just any old how! We need to avoid making light of the subject, challenging a person to die by suicide, or praising somebody who died by suicide by calling their actions heroic.

Dying by suicide is not spontaneous. It’s the culmination of a process, which goes from developing suicidal ideas and fixating on those ideas to developing a precise plan. During this process, the suicidal person sends out different messages and signals. The majority of people demonstrate despair before they do anything. However, it is worth noting that, in teenagers and  impulsive people, the process may sometimes take a shorter period of time.

A person experiencing a suicidal crisis may momentarily seem relieved and in a good mood, but that does not mean that the danger has passed. On the contrary, sudden improvement in a suicidal process may be indicative of a greater emergency. The person may have decided to show signs of feeling better to reassure those around them, or sensing that their suffering will be over soon, they may be feeling genuine relief. It is important to be vigilant and essential to check what favourable outcomes are behind any change in behaviour.

Even though suicidal people are most often going through a depressive period, they do not necessarily present signs of depression. On the contrary, one person may seem hard and insensitive while another may be in a good mood and very active. We need to pay attention because these behaviours may camouflage tremendous sadness and suicidal thoughts.

On a daily basis, in their relationships with their family and friends, everybody can help a loved one who is experiencing suffering, with the means at their disposal and within limitations. Ways to support a loved one can include recognizing warning signs, starting a conversation, and finding satisfactory solutions. With openness, understanding, and assistance, it is possible to prevent an irreversible action. However, whether or not you work in a helping relationship, the same rule applies: Never keep confidences to yourself. Always get help.

JEVI offers in-person support to people worried about a loved one. Simply call 819 564-1354 and leave a message with your contact info. A response team member will return your call within 72 working hours.

Talking about suicide should always be taken seriously. It is a call for help. Attention should also be paid to repeated talking about it and talking over a long period of time. Repeated messages may have the effect of the little boy who cried wolf, in other words, desensitizing their family/friends to how significant the situation is.